I am nothing if not an expert at starting over… my entire life has been compiled of varied pursuits – 110% effort, battling ruthlessly with whatever stands in the way of my goal – then acheiving it and going, good, what’s next?!
If you asked me 20 years ago what the “meaning of life” is, I would have said “being the best”. And for some people, yeah, maybe it is – but I’m not going to be buried with my championship belts or my trophies or my business or anything else I’ve acheived in this world – I will close my eyes at the end of my life only with the joys and pains of the experiences I’ve lived. And I now know that I’d like for those experiences to contribute to something greater than myself… The new answer I would give, as a grown-up, is, “learning as much as I can about myself & others while deeply – and equally – engaging in the beauty and pain of existence.
I grew up in the mountains of Colorado, skiing since I could walk and ski racing as soon as possible after that. Then I played ice hockey at CU, while pursuing a career in professional freeskiing. Then I moved to Australia at 19, discovered that the ocean exists and (despite the sharks, jellyfish, and tattoed locals) learned to surf. I wrote a cartoon, learned to play the guitar and became a Corporate Project Manager in a gold mine. I drank too much, partied too much, and nearly lost myself in the chaos of Fly-in-fly-out work.
Each week I would fly back out to the minesite, undergo a tortuous detox from the excesses during my week off, while my friend Max forced me to exercise by teaching me how to box. I’d spend the week at work remembering who I am, how to move my body, start to feel clear and strong, and then I’d go back do Darwin and destroy myself all over again. It wasn’t long before I realised that wasn’t sustainable and the joy I felt in taking care of myself far outweighed the “fun” of being a, uh, mess. But that’s what our 20’s are for I suppose… I’m very happy to leave them behind.
I started training Muay Thai (Thai boxing) in order to remember how to care about myself and the by-product was far beyond anything I could have imagined. A community of people who wanted to see me thrive, an internal confidence that comes from facing terrifying things and surviving – even thriving – despite the pain and fear. I learned to respect the people who believed in me and give back to the sport that gave me life again.
I won some championships, I lost (ONCE – we don’t talk about that), I succomed to fear and felt what happens when I abandon myself. I’ve had injuries, setbacks, heartbreaks, and with each failure I learned that the amount I suffered came entirely from myself – not the failure. When shit went wrong, I learned to adapt – in fighting we say “everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face” – and I realied thats where the true magic of living lies.
I am qualified to help other people not because of my successes, but because of my failures. I have lived deeply through pain, horror, let downs and re-directions because of a determined mission to learn and grow from my life. From Project Management to Fighting to Stand-up Comedy to Creative Production to Personal Training & Coaching to Podcasting and Disability Support, the consistent throughline is a passion for deep growth.
I have recently returned to the U.S. after 18 years living in Australia to get my Masters/PHD in Psychology (about time!!) so that I can turn these life skills into something that can provide genuine (scientific even) value to my community and my clients. Its a huge change, and weird to be American again all of a sudden, but, I’m nothing if not an expert at starting over.
